Medical Abuse: My Story

TW: Abuse.

I’m terrified of doctors, but as I am currently becoming more disabled from the abuse I suffered as a child 40 years ago, I have to go to them more and more. The people that raised me (I found out they weren’t related to me, and they were never my parents) used to use drugs to make more compliant, but then began abusing the prescriptions themselves.

The people that raised me lied and gaslit me about what was happening to me medically, and used any sort of diagnosis to keep me in place. When I was a very small child, they took me to get three shots of Penicillin in five days — and I was always deathly allergic. I broke out in hives everywhere. A few months later, I’d spend months in the hospital with a completely crippled immune system. So many questions, right? What kind of people do that? What kind of doctor does that?

Since they were Evangelicals, all physicians and dentists — anything — were from the church. When my high school guidance counselor asked that I get some help during the only suicidal phase I allowed anyone to see, they sent me to the church’s recommended therapist, an associate minister. Ends up, he really enjoyed hearing stories about some of the abuse I was trying to deal with , so much so he masturbated as he listened to me talk about them. Keep in mind I could never tell him what was really happening with me, anyway, because it would get around the church.

My physician experiences didn’t improve in my adult life, either. For some reason the industry I worked in for 20 years was healthcare, and I still managed to keep my doctor’s visits to a minimum. When I did make it in, all sorts of oddities would show up in my medical record. Because I knew how unethical all of my coworkers are, I wouldn’t see certain physicians within our network, and I’d never work on particular maladies, especially mental health issues.

And now, to move forward at all I have to face my greatest fear…