Meditation: You Don’t Need An App For That

I have been seeking to reduce the amount of time I spend in front of screens, trying to ensure that my time in front of them remains intentional and doesn’t revert to blank, endless scrolling. The other day before I sat down for my morning meditation, I had a moment of panic that I couldn’t find my android. I had become so used to my meditation timer that the thought of meditating without the pleasing singing bowl sound at the end almost threatened the positivity at the base of the experience itself that I was seeking! Once I was able to realize what was happening, I could see it for what it was — one of many moments where I was reminded of how I was permitting technology to intrude on my space so I would have to think about what I was doing a bit less, instead of allowing myself the space to ensure it was the tool for me. This distinction is internal to me and has nothing to do with the app itself.

This momentary consideration allowed me to think of why I was using the app. I considered why I was reaching for the app at all, and this helped me realize exactly what tools I was seeking — a timer, and a tracker.

It was easy enough to establish why I wanted a timer. I try to get 20 minutes in for each meditation session. If I don’t put that on a timer, most of the time I feel ‘complete’ at around twelve minutes, thirty seconds. It’s hard enough for me to get back into my meditative state when I peek for the time a little — much less have to get up and find a clock.

The second thing the app did for me was track when I was meditating. But why? Was it the satisfaction of seeing all the checkmarks on the little virtual calendar? Were those little checkmarks a way for me to comfort myself in times when I felt I was failing — at least I had this checkmark to show I had some part of my day under control?

The entire exercise made me realize there is absolutely nothing wrong with using an app to meditate, but there can be everything ‘wrong’ about the why. I couldn’t offload the ‘work’ of meditation to the app — I couldn’t make it so the app ‘simply observed’ or ‘was a feather’ or ‘transcended.’ The work of meditation was still up to me, and I was using the app as a crutch, I was once again using a screen to separate myself from the world. I was treating meditation as a check on a list, a standard to conform to — instead of what it was meant to be, a moment to rest in awareness.