Narcissist, Interrupted
When Enough is Enough: When I Knew I had to Cut My Half-Brother From My Life
On April 16, 2017, which was Easter Sunday, my half-brother Kirk called me to tell me our father died.
Our father actually died 844 days later.
It only took me two days to track down the truth because not only is my brother an actual pathological liar, but he’s also really bad at it.
Shhh, no one tell him.
When Kirk called me, acting as if he was despondent and ‘wanting to work through our father’s death,’ our father was actually in a nursing home. The only reason it took me two days to discover Kirk’s lie is because I was the stupid asshole that believed him.
What kind of person lies to his ‘baby sister’ about their father’s death?
The answer is that a narcissistic, pathological liar does that.
Because I had to deal with narcissists my entire childhood, I can walk you through the logic of why he did what he did.
You see, he needed attention! He knew I’d talk to him because I was a sucker. But since I had stopped speaking with everyone in the family, he needed a reason to call me. A death would be the only reasonable reason to call someone who is as estranged as I am, and honestly, our father was a total asshole. It’s just one little detail, right? After all, I’m just his stupid sister, it’s not like I could know.
Besides, he’d got what he wanted in the moment: attention.
Nothing mattered after that, as long as he got what he wanted.
That’s how little he thought of me — that telling me our father had died when he hadn’t was better than Kirk having to deal with a few minutes of not being interesting, much less adored.
He was willing to shatter my comfort for his needs.
What I came to realize is that because I now knew what kind of a liar he was, if I picked up that phone for him again it meant that I was willing to sacrifice my happiness and peace of mind for him and his needs. It reassured me that the pattern of egregious lies and manipulations that had happened throughout my childhood would continue unabated if I didn’t entirely sever all ties with my miserable family of origin.
While it means I’ve had a painful past, I’m grateful that all of my practice with our narcissist father had prepared me to make the decision to cut my half-brother from my life.
One thing I know: narcissists interrupt, and hate to be interrupted.