Three Things that Surprised Me About Having COVID

Three days ago, I lost my sense of smell to COVID-19, despite over two years of nearly living the life of a hermit. I did what everyone wished us immunocompromised people would do: I shut up and ‘just stayed home.’

Yet, here I am — unable to smell or taste, because it still wasn’t good enough!

The fact I was incapable of keeping the germs of humanity at bay after taking what felt like such a hardline stance got me thinking about what it is to be human. Specifically — what is to be a human being among other human beings, and that perhaps, just perhaps, the idea of a self-made person is just a PR stunt. We live our lives in an increasingly connected world — and one of the prices of that is exposure to germs we wouldn’t have otherwise ‘met.’

Since COVID-19 has spent the last several years dominating headlines, I was shocked to find there were three things about being sick with it that surprised me!

Dehumanizing Effects of Anosmia

There’s a difference between hearing about people losing their sense of smell, and there’s experiencing the loss of smell. While I’m a very empathetic person, nothing prepared me for just what it would be like to lose an entire sense. Experiencing the world simply wasn’t the same without the sense of smell.

Not only did my food not taste as good, but everything just felt ‘off.’ In addition to fighting off the nausea that COVID brought, I found having to fight against myself to even eat — it’s just not as enjoyable without the flavors!

It wasn’t just my experience of food that was impacted — but cannabis, too! Without the ability to smell it and taste it, it simply wasn’t the same, and even the effects seemed muted.

I knew it was serious when I opened a bottle of lavender oil and I couldn’t smell it. What I wasn’t prepared for was how horrible it made me feel that I couldn’t smell the smells I love (or how weird it is to cuddle my dog and not smell him). The fact of the matter is, even though I write about experiencing smells and tastes all the time, I simply hadn’t realized how important smell was to me as a person!

Debilitating Joint Pain

The second night I was COVID+, I was incapable of getting comfortable enough to sleep at all. I’ve been recently plagued by a serious, recurring back injury, and it flared up with a vengeance once I had COVID. My pre-arthritic hands ached, I could barely feel my fingers, and my dexterity waned as the pain was amplified day by day. It felt as if someone had packed my joints with burning, broken glass.

Exhaustion gave way to pain and even more exhaustion.

I hadn’t been aware of how serious the joint pain would be during my bout with COVID. Nothing really took the edge off, save some breathing exercises (which were, of course, extremely difficult because of the COVID).

The Psychology of COVID

The biggest surprise to me about having COVID was the psychology. Specifically, the psychological symptoms that happen when the brain swells.

I was irritable and angry — far more so than usual. I keenly felt this sense of impending doom, and the air seemed heavy with the idea that the way things were would never, ever improve.

I’ve read about the ‘sense of impending doom’ as a medical symptom — and certainly I have felt it as part of my experiences with adverse drug reactions, but nothing prepared me for the intensity for these feelings during my COVID convalescence.

Once I started feeling better and seeing the impact of the illness on my pscyhe, It was hard not to put the last couple of years into the context of COVID’s psychology.

I won’t lie, I’m very nervous about what my COVID infection will mean for my long term health. But I am grateful that some of the worst symptoms have subsided for me. I’m also grateful for the lessons that come with perspective, because a lot of my worries faded and were dwarfed by the realities of being sick.

As we roll into flu season, keep yourself safe!